


One

by Soullen



Category: Stitchers (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, POV Female Character, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:12:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4549935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soullen/pseuds/Soullen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She is his one person and he is hers. (1x10 Kirsten's POV)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my view on what Kirsten felt during and before she stitched into Cameron. It begins at the end of 1x09 and goes from there. Here, I tried to trap Kirsten's feelings and thought into single one-shot, but if you guys would like I might try to make it multichapter ;) Hope it's not OOC :) Enjoy!

There are moments in your life when you realize that you can’t function without that  _one_ person. Someone, who has been around you for  _always_  that once they are gone you can’t help, but be surprised as to how important they were in your life. Those moments are rare, because people like that are rare, too. And once you realize those facts, you’d give up anything to make them stay with you forever.

Kirsten Clark was one of the people who experienced it. The second she saw Cameron in a corpse cassette during stitch, was the moment she discovered he is that  _one_  person. And since then she intended to keep him safe and never let her “stitch vision” come true. At first, he made very hard. He came to the party despite her asking him not to. Then he went with her to save Mia and almost got killed in a process. But somehow among all this craziness, he survived. And so did his heart.  So Kirsten became hopeful.  _Maybe vision was fake. Maybe even psychics can be wrong sometimes -_  she thought. And she tried convincing herself that, to give herself few moments of relief. Except it’s a lie, psychics can’t be wrong. And Kirsten was about to find out just how much. 

* * *

 

He gave her his rock and it was like he gave her piece of his heart. She wanted to tell him so much about what she saw in a stitch when he declared he wants to go with her to Mia’s party. Maybe that way she could warn him somehow… but Kirsten backed down because she was afraid this would be equal with voicing her own feelings to him (which she didn't knew she has just few seconds before, mind you). Or that he will dismiss it to this “stitch glitch” as like he likes to call it since he does not believe in psychics.  

“To protect your heart” he said. But what about his? Who is going to protect him when his little rock can’t anymore? Apparently Kirsten was left with this thought alone while  _The vision was fake, it won’t happen_ singed like a mantra in her head for the rest of this night.

It’s been 4 days since last stitch and everything seems tranquil. Nothing out of ordinary happened yet, at least nothing that could threaten anyone’s life. They all come to restaurant around 8 pm. Cameron texted her he might be late, so she is not worried about it when he actually is.  It’s fun to take a break from work and relax. Kirsten actually loves those outside work moments, when team gathers and talks about ridiculous things for once not related to anyone’s murder. It makes her feel like home. Like she belongs.

* * *

 

Gunshots. Normal person would probably flee by now, but Kirsten doesn’t. First thing she thinks about is that Fisher and Cameron are there. So she runs as quick as possible, hoping that the worst scenario won’t happen.  _The vision is fake. Even psychics are wrong sometimes._

And then she saw unconscious Cameron.  _No. No. This can’t be true. The vision is fake. You can’t leave me._  And she couldn't help, but maniacally repeat his name out loud. She took his hand and hoped it will somehow help him. Camille was the one to call ambulance. Kirsten was too panicked to do that, all she could do was just holding Cameron’s hand and whispering his name over and over again.

* * *

 

She goes to his room and nothing ever made her more angry than a sight of him looking so peaceful.  He is never peaceful, this is not his style. Nerdy and overly joking, yes. But never peaceful. She is not angry at him, of course, but at person who caused this eerie peacefulness. She can’t just sit around and wait, she needs to know who did that to them as soon as possible. And if they try to hurt anyone she cares about again she is going to get them herself.

He’s fine. The vision  **was** fake, she sighs with relief. Nothing happened and nothing will. She goes to him and grabs gently his arm asking how he is doing, because she wants to make sure it’s true. She needs him to confirm he’s alright. Otherwise she won’t be either. 

They start stitching protocol and she sees shooter. Turns out he was close to her mother and she can’t help but think what kind of person she must have been. Was she kind? Generous? Did she loved Kirsten? She doesn't need to wait long for answer since second stitch provides them all. Her mother was beautiful and loved her very much. Kirsten wishes she could stay in this memory forever and it’s so hard to exit it once she’s moved to another one.

She hears Barbiero talking on the phone and the message he was meant to send her is the same as always:  **Don’t trust anyone they are lying to you, you are in danger.**  Except this time it’s not easy anymore. She already trusts someone and thought of them deceiving her is just heartbreaking. So when she starts to argue with Cameron about her lack of trust, she must stop herself halfway. He is the person she trusts, yet she can’t trust anyone. She belongs in this team, but is it right to call it a family, when you have no idea who is going to stab you behind your back?

They go to lab and he explains what he is about to do. This  _insane, ridiculous_ idea of his to kill himself in order to prove his loyalty and somehow find out who is behind all of this.  She knows he wants to do because Fisher saved his life, but Cameron dying won’t make Fisher’s condition better. Only thing that his 5 minute death would cause would be her fears coming true again. There’s no way in hell she will take part in his suicide plan. Not when she _just_  got him back.

She tries to talk him out of it and for a moment she thinks it worked. Except it didn’t, and next thing she knows is that she holds him in his last moments, almost too panicked to say anything and too scared to yell at his stupidity.

“I need to keep you safe” he says. “Do not… not do this.” This _jerk_ dares to leave her and then say things like that to her.

“What do we do?” and she has no doubt. Cameron couldn’t die for nothing. He begged her to do this and she will. She will find out who is that bastard and save them all like he wanted.

“What Cameron wanted, we stitch. Move it!”

Someone screams at her, but she doesn’t care. They are wasting time and even she knows every second is precious in this situation.

Before stitch everything seems like a blur. It’s like she is moving on some fast forward autopilot along with rest of lab. Everything moves so fast that she haven’t noticed when she got into her suit. Camille is also panicked, but somehow is able to calm down enough to pilot stitching the way Cameron taught her the same day.

Kirsten ends up being in his loft. At first she wants to get as soon as possible to his memory before shooting, but then she hears familiar voice. _Her_ voice.

She is in his memory. It’s the memory of her post first stitch. And the amount of protectiveness she feels… It’s overwhelming. She lost consciousness and slept in his bed that night and now that she is stitched into him it’s clear she made him very worried. He barely slept.

Cameron wasn’t only one worried about Kirsten, apparently Camille back in lab is too. She asks Kirsten what is happening, but Kirsten wants to ignore her. She is too focused on Cameron to even register Camille’s presence at all.

Next memory is of their kiss. This time it’s not from third person perspective. This time she sees herself with Cameron’s eyes. It’s like she is Cameron at that moment. Kirsten doesn’t remember kissing him, but the way she feels right now…. It’s so familiar, yet alien to her. What is this feeling? She wants to know.

And then as if it would be the answer to her question suddenly she gets pulled into another memory. The one when she asks him what love is.  This one she remembers perfectly. She wanted to know back then, because glimpses of what she felt in the stitch made her want that kind of connection. She craved for something so true and pure as that and wondered if she will ever have it. The moment she felt connected to Lily’s husband was… addicting, intoxicating even.

“Being vulnerable... Vulnerable, real. It's intoxicating.”  _This is not funny anymore. It’s like he’s reading my mind._

Other memories flashed before her and she understood now. She understood everything. Why he need to keep her safe is the same reason why she wanted to do same when it comes to him.  She was so wrapped up in the search for “the one” that she didn’t notice when he appeared right in front of her.  He was her _one_ person and she was his. And she didn’t know until now.

“I didn’t know.” She says and is so shocked that she actually opens her eyes. This is too much. She can’t lose him now, when she just found out. She can’t. “I didn’t know.” She repeats.

“Know what, Kirsten? Talk to me.”

“I’m everywhere.” And while Camille takes it as a sign Kirsten is everywhere inside Cameron’s brain, this was not what she meant. She is literally everywhere. In his thoughts, his worries, his feelings, his memories. It’s like she is the only thing he thinks about and only thing he cherishes. She is _everywhere._

Camille moves her to the memory before shooting, but it’s useless. Nothing is clear and everything seems blurry. This was mistake, it won’t help them and Cameron might die because of it, but this time it will be for real.

They wasted time and if she won’t bounce he will be dead forever. _I will lose him. I can’t let that happen._ And she is **_just_ ** about to bounce when something pulls her from doing it.

She ends up in hospital hall and for a moment she forgets she is in a stitch.  “Making the rounds, Dr. Goodkin?” a nurse asks not older than 10 years old boy. “My scar is itching. I can't sleep. Just thought I'd walk a little.” She hears him answer. _This must be Cameron as a kid after operation._  She sees nurse letting him wander and next thing she knows little Cameron meets 7,5 year old Kirsten. “Oh my god!”

It’s a very cruel joke, letting her get back her memories by stitching into person she cares about, while he lies in a corpse cassette, dying. It’s like fate wants to play game of cards with her, except she is never the one who knows the rules, someone else is. And they steer though her whole life to get what they want, making her lose those she loves the most as a cost.

Little Kirsten sits near her mother’s bed and paints her nails as boy comes in and asks her about it. She seems to be curious about him, too. They talk with each other and 7 year old version of herself explains how smart her father is and that he’s going to bring back her mother. The boy isn’t fooled, though. He notices little girls’ tears immediately,  grabs gently her arm and asks her about her name, introducing himself right away after she answers him.

“Your mom is going to be okay, Kirsten. Trust me.” And in this moment there is no doubt. She trusts him completely. She always did. Since the day they met and even before it. He is that _one_ person and she will be dammed if she’ll let him die.

She makes the bounce and hopes it’s not to late to tell him.


	2. Raining in Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is her opposite, can he make her glow?

_  
_

_Tap, tap, tap._  The raindrops fall on the windowsill. It had been raining for 2 days now and Kirsten can’t help but stare at the window as little bits of water create the effect of calmness. _Tap, tap._ The blackness of the sky mixes with the multicolored beacons and creates something she never saw before. Effulgence of colors she never thought could exist.

She is in some kind of very bright room, but it’s neither her nor Cameron’s apartment. This place is unfamiliar to her, but for some reason she can’t bring herself to care, not when she can enjoy this magnificent sight. The light is almost blinding her along with darkness of the sky. It’s funny, really, how two seemingly opposite things can create something, so beautiful and glowing. _Tap, tap. Tap._

She turns around and sees Cameron, he is dressed in the same attire he had during Mia’s party, but there is something different about him… It’s like he’s shining along with the sky… She chooses to ignore this feeling, however and enjoy the scenery. It’s been a while when she felt that safe and _enchanted_.

He approaches her and just stands by her side, not saying a thing. It doesn’t last long, though since Kirsten decides to share her thoughts with him as the nature creates a pretty song of rain .

“You know as a child I hated rain. It reminded me about feelings I barely had. I thought the sky was crying. Usually it would make me melancholic, but I didn’t know what it felt like to be sad. So, wherever it was raining I was wondering, why people have emotions and how it is to feel them fully.”

He smiles at her and it’s more than his usual smile. This time it’s more than friendly chit chat. It’s _connection._ It’s _understanding_ and _awe._  He has always been like that, she realizes, but this is the first time she can actually appreciate this fact.

“Did you figure it out?” he asks and gently grabs her arm, she doesn’t mind.

“I used to think I did, but as time passed by I noticed how different it is from what I thought. People cried not just when they were sad. They could cry from joy, relief or anger. But I never knew what those were. Only thing I had was raw definitions and few tricks Ed taught me. It was… unpredictable. ”  It’s true. Emotions confused her. It was never enough to know that when someone smiles they are happy or that when they yell they are angry. It never was a fair fight, since she never experienced them the same way like they did. All she had was the chaos of human behavior.

“Now I’ve learn more, but it’s still not enough. I don’t hate rain anymore, quite the contrary: I might even find it beautiful. Emotions, as complicated as they are, seem less chaotic. But there’s always this feeling of lacking something… as if I know huge secret, but can’t afford to voice it out loud. As if I’m losing something I used to have…”

He comes closer and the distance between them becomes nearly nonexistent. Despite what she knows she should feel, his move is not invading her space. It’s full of welcoming warmth and safety.

“Life is this way, Stretch. We gain something precious just to lose it later. The loss can be painful, heartbreaking, but there are other things to consider, too.”

His words are so familiar and it’s like she has heard them before, but this time she is sure it’s not caused by her temporal dysplasia. This time it’s not usual déjà vu she always gets. It’s something else entirely.

“Like what?”  she asks

“Sometimes it allows you to gain something more precious and I think it’s the same with you. You’ve lost many things: your memories, your parents, your perception of time, Ed; but they let you gain other things, too. **_I’m sure you think it was worth it._** ” ‘ _I know I did._ ’ is left unsaid.

Is he right? Was it all **not** for nothing? Maybe along all of this craziness she found something worth keeping? Something, **no,** _someone_ who is worth the risk? Maybe she _has_ a chance to win at this game of cards…. She looks at him and then at window again. _Tap, tap._ The darkness dances with light. _Tap, tap._ It’s the most prettiest thing in the world. _Tap, tap._ Water creates music on the windowsill. _Tap. Tap. Tap._ Two opposites creating something so bright and glowing, that she barely can breathe. _Tap, tap, tap._

**There are things that are better left unsaid.**

She doesn’t need to voice her secret. Only thing she needs it to _understand_ it.

Some things are better left unsaid, but some things doesn’t need words.

They both know the secret, so why then try to voice it, then? _Tap. Tap._

He is her opposite, so can he make her glow?

Colors dance on the sky again and she isn’t sure what is more beautiful: the nature or this quiet moment.

She reaches to his hand and looks into his eyes with awe that could match his. She takes it and whispers “Thank you.” to him so quietly she can’t almost hear it herself.  He doesn’t ask “for what?” they both know what those words mean.

Thank you for being there for me.

Thank you for protecting me.

Thank you for listening to me.

Thank you for always caring about me.

Thank you for being yourself.

Thank you for opening up yourself to me.

Thank you for dying for me.

_Thank you for loving me._

_Thank you._

**_I love you, too._ **

 

They stay there and stare at each other in silence. Rain has stopped, but colors stayed.

Now she knows it was worth it. Even if it means losing him.

“Is this a dream?” she asks carefully.

“Do you want it to be?” he answers.

And maybe she is not sure, yet. Maybe her answer won’t be ever clear. But there is one thing she knows: she will **_never_** lose again. _They_ are too strong for it.  **_He_ ** made her too strong for it.

“Only if you’ll be alive when I wake up.”

“As you wish, Stretch.” He replies as he kisses her forehead.

 

And then she wakes up near his hospital bed.

It might have been a dream, but she intends to make it reality.

**She will win this game.**

 

 

* * *

  

_Four days ago_

 

She sits near fish tank and is too paralyzed to move. Everything is so blurry: from Cameron’s heart stopping beating to this moment. They decided to move him elsewhere, but she is too weak to follow. People around the lab are rushing here and there and all she can do is to watch them with the numb expression.

_She killed him._

Is the only thought in her head. _She killed him the way she killed her mother._ She kills everyone she loves. Even when it’s coincidence she can’t help, but painfully laugh at the life’s irony.

She hears footsteps, it doesn’t take her long to guess who it is. Only Camille moves with such a grace and ignorance at the same time. Except this time, her friend is not ignorant. No one is in situation like that.

“Will you talk to me?”  she says with slightly raised and worried voice, while handling coffee to Kirsten.

“Is there anything to talk about?” here is comes, another wall put for her friend to break. Kirsten knows she shouldn’t do that, she knows they are all traumatized enough already and that challenging Camille to put up with her usual attitude won’t help either of them, but there is that still voice in her head that still wants to fight, to look who is brave enough to ruin them scratch by scratch. It used to be so easy with him: she puts a wall and he finds a way to break them, without using as much as dynamite.  But it can’t be Cameron now, so she takes what she gets and tests how much Camille is worth.

“We both know there is. When will you stop hiding it?” the question shocks Kirsten. It’s not like she is hiding anything from anyone. It’s not like she knows big secret and tries everything not to tell. If anything it’s the opposite. Everyone has been keeping secrets from her. Even him….

She catches herself looking in the direction Ayo and rest of medical team took him. It was unconscious move and she almost slaps herself mentally for it.

“Hiding what?!” she asks

“He was your friend Kirsten! It’s hard to believe me you suddenly don’t care. I saw you scream his name, can’t you sit here and pretend you don’t mind what he did, when I know you do. It’s not random person you stitched into. It’s _Cameron._ And he _died._ So don’t you dare shrug it off like death is usual thing to you. I know it’s not anymore, because you can push me away as much as you want to, but that won’t stop me from noticing you’ve _changed_ and noticing that you _care._ ” As the words left Camille’s mouth Kirsten could hear wall crumbling down. She was right. _‘Death is death, not matter what happens’_ was **not** how she felt about this situation. Death is painful and takes away the post precious people in your life. It’s not something she can shrug off anymore. The jerk killed himself to protect her. This is not something she is used to. To be someone’s first and last choice at the same time.

“There was some ….things I saw in a stitch. “ she hesitates. Should she tell Camille? Can she trust her the way she trusted Cameron? Maybe it’s not good idea at all?

Camille’s face softens and Kirsten’s doubts fly out of the window. She needs someone to talk to and if Camille offers to be that person, so be it.

“What things?” she asks and nods to encourage Kirsten.

“His memories… the ones I saw… they- they were all of me.” This is hard. Harder than she thought. She is not used to confess to anyone beside Cameron and she feels she is almost at the edge of crying and despair as she speaks next sentence. “His best memories were all of me. I was only thing he thought of.”

Camille comes closer and looks at Kirsten with compassion and something that looked as asking for permission to comfort her. She nods. She might not be a hugger, but as Camille rightly noticed many things have changed when it comes to her.

“It’s not everything, is it?”  Kirsten wants to tell her more, but this one thing is too private and too overwhelming to talk about, so she chooses other detail that made her heart squeeze during stitch. Camille can’t know about Cameron’s love towards Kirsten. Not now, not until she will settle this in her head.

“We.. knew each other before Stitchers Program. I was 7 and visited my mother in hospital after accident.” She looked cautiously at Camille   “I know what you think and before you ask I must tell you whole story: apparently she didn’t died right after it, but went into coma. My father wanted to bring her back via stitching me into her and gave me temporal dysplasia. This killed my mother. “

“Kirsten I’m so sorry” she said as she gently rubbed Kirsten’s arm.

“Don’t be. It’s not like I can remember it, anyway.” It was meant to be joke, but went out way too much as bitter truth. “So, I was 7 and it was maybe 4 months before my father decided to stitch me into my mother. I was painting my mom’s nails and Cameron jus had his heart surgery. He couldn’t sleep and was wandering around hospital hall. He spotted me and asked me why I was there. I told him about mom and started crying, he comforted me and told me everything is going to be okay.”

“Wow. That must’ve been a shock to you.” She said and there was shocked expression on her face, too.

“It was like you two were meat to meet again.”

“I know. And that terrifies me.” She admitted.

“Thank you.” Camille said.

“For what?” she asks confused.

“Everything.” She smiled genuinely at Kirsten and it filled her with relief and hope she never knew before.

 

They sat there in comfortable silence for few minutes, until Camille offered to go with Kirsten to Cameron’s  “hospital” bed (because Maggie decided to keep him in lab’s life support to not raise suspicions). They both agree to keep watch on him and change every few hours, in case he wakes up. She doesn’t mind it, cause as much as she would want to stay there all night, she knows they both need sleep, too. It’s been rough day, but now that she has more than one person she trusts, she intends not let them go so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write because I needed to keep it realistic and surreal at the same time. I also had problems with Camille/Kirsten talk because I can’t get Camille justice. She is very hard to portray to me. Just to clarify: 2 days of rain are the time that has passed in Kirsten’s dream, not in reality. I wanted to make the background the metaphor of what she feels. There is darkness, but it’s also full of beautiful light as long as she keeps hope and holds onto him :)


	3. Storyteller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So she started to tell him her stories…”

She had one week to deal with this. One whole week of panicking, over thinking and worrying. Three days spent in Camille’s bedroom just because she was too overwhelmed with the nightmares of that night.  One day spent thinking he will never wake up. One day spent overwhelmed with hope when he muttered her name and then being overly disappointed when it turned out to be false alarm. Two days of trying to figure out what was going on in her head and how she is going to deal with everything once he’ll wake up. Whole week of staying up and waiting for Camille’s call from lab that would announce the end of her torment.  
She doesn’t know anymore what to do. Everything is confusing and her head hurts every time she tries to think about it. She always thought she knew herself, but every time she stitched into someone she discovered that she simply doesn’t know anything about Kirsten Clark. Because Kirsten Clark never knew what it meant to care. She never wanted to in the first place.  
And then Stitchers program happened and she discovered she wasn’t as heartless as people (including Kirsten herself) thought her to be. She gained friends, emotions, she even gained her memories.   
So it’s no surprise she is so scared right now. She decided she won’t talk about it. She might know he loves her, but does this change anything? She tries to understand what love is and that knowledge is just a burden. Understanding won’t help her know what love is for real and if she loves him back. Nothing will ever change the fact that she is broken. She’ll never function as well as other people, so why pretend it’s different? No, she won’t say a word. Only thing she may hope is for it all to just solve itself naturally.  
She’s hopeful, though. This dream she had was a gift from her subconscious that in some way showed her she can be living normal life. That not everything is just loss. It came to her with some sort of magical wisdom she intended to keep forever.  _Losing something means gaining something else_. What did she gain this time? She thought love meant grief, but she never realized how precious that grief is. Love can heal and she knows it healed some part of her. She was glowing around him and losing him made her realize that he is the only person able to bring that light to her face. He died to make her discover his life was- is- the best part of hers.  
She smiles and decides to “do cheery” this time, if not for his then at least for hers sake. He is a fighter, he can get thought it and she will take his example. She’ll be strong and won’t break again. She will smile and glow until her light will bring him back.

She goes to his room in lab and talks to him.  It becomes some sort of habit for her: she does it every day and for some reason it helps her. At first it started with insignificant things like awkward talk about weather or how Linus just destroyed his new shirt after a bad run in with some  ketchup, but then she felt was not enough, she felt he deserved more despite him giving her so little of his story before. To bo honest she was mad at him when he refused to share his stories. The story of rich parents, the story of stitching, the story of Marta and the most important story - the story of his heart. She thought they trusted each other enough to be comfortable with those things. The moment he shared them all with her was the happiest moment of their friendship.   
So she started to tell him her stories (and it was not like she didn’t tell him anything - quite opposite it was natural for her to share. it’s just… there was something now that made it even easier for her):   stories about Ed, how she used to hide from people in the tree house he built for her, how she secretly learned how to hack at the age of 11, how she loved story about Sleeping Beauty….. she snorts.  _Oh, the irony of life. He is in coma after poisoning himself and my favorite childhood fairytale is Sleeping Beauty. Does that make me a prince?_  This thought makes her laugh and it’s almost like he was cause of the smile on her face… Like he was the one speaking to her about it.  
After a while she becomes melancholic. Because it is not him speaking to her,  he is not making her laugh: it’s all in her head.  
“I thought you’d never leave me, you know? You were following me everywhere I went and I didn’t even realized how important you are to me.” she sighed. “I wish I could love you back. Maybe I do? Who knows…” at this point she couldn’t be cheery anymore. Tears were something she rarely experienced, but just like a rain in her dream they seemed so beautiful and …. cleansing.  
“I just want you to wake up.” she says as she is closing doors behind her.

She calls Camille and Linus. Now it’s their turn to watch over him.  
As she walks back home (because she needs _another_  moment with herself to think and a taxi won’t give her that) she looks at the stars and remembers how Ed used to tell her legends about each constellations. They were all unique but most of them had one thing in common: love brought two people together, no matter the obstacles. So she starts to believe in it. It will bring him to her eventually, even if she is not sure how she feels yet.  
She enters apartment and falls asleep immediately with this thought in her mind.

* * *

 

Her bliss doesn’t last long, though. It seems like every time  she gets little happier there is always something to drag her down. So, yeah she receives Camille’s call with a great deal of annoyance in her voice and sleepy head. “What?!” she asks angrily.   
“Kirsten, you have to get here right now. Cameron just woke up.” And if it hadn’t been for her sleepy head she would be smiling. And if it hadn’t be for 1 week of worrying she would be happy. And if it hadn’t be for the 10080 minutes she has spent overthinking everything, she would be glad.  
But she can’t be any of those things. Feelings scare her, especially when it comes to her own. She wants to believe in fairytales, but it never ends on one obstacle, does it? There is always some poisoned comb before final apple arrives, another attempt to ruin someone’s life.  
Damn, Kirsten we’ve been through it.  Loss means gain, remember?  
So, yeah fearless Kirsten Clark is afraid of meeting her best friend, Cameron Goodkin after his 7 days of  being in a coma and his very (in)direct of love confession. The thought of seeing him awake, while being a happy one yesterday, today just makes her angry.  
Because how dare he make decisions for her? how dare he think that she’d be fine if it all would went wrong?! This is her life and she should at least have right to decide about what matters in it. _  
 _(He does.)_  
_ (It’s not confusion anymore. She knows already.) _  
 _(He matters to her the most.)_  
_ (And it’s not residual emotion anymore.)  _  
 _(It never was in the first place.)__

She dresses herself up, takes taxi as soon as she gets to the lab looks for Camille and hugs her.   
“You okay?” she asks apparently surprised by Kirsten’s weird behavior. They both bonded during the last few days, but it seems Camille doesn’t think the bond was strong enough to get through  the  _“I’m not a hugger”_   wall Kirsten has created over years.  
“Yeah. Where is he?” she looks around and expects him to somehow show in any moment, with his movie quotes and plaid shits and messy hair, but she knows it’s not possible. He just opened eyes it’s obvious he needs recovery time.  
“I think you need to talk with Ayo first, before you see him.” Camille says and gets Kirsten worried _(again_ ) by the tone of voice she just used. Kirsten knows this tone perfectly. It’s ideal example of “something went wrong” tone. It’s a tone of voice you use to warn people, without telling them the truth.  
But Kirsten chooses again to ignore it.  _There’s nothing wrong, Ayo just wants to tell you he needs some rest._ She keeps repeating maniacally in her mind.  
“There is no time. When can I meet him? Did they move him somewhere else?”  
“No, he’s still in medical. Kirsten you really need to talk with Ayo.” Camille repeats.  
There it is again. This tone of warning against some big bad emotional danger. Now Kirsten has two options: accept the truth as it is and go find out what is wrong with him from Ayo or rush to him,  probably start fight and then end up getting crushed by reveal.  
As stubborn as she is, she chooses the second. It’s stupid move but she doesn’t care. She needs to talks with him. she needs to yell at him. She just doesn’t care, because the moment she stitched into him was the moment when caring started being too much for her.   
She runs to his room and Camille is trying to stop her. “Kirsten!” she screams “Kirsten, please!” she says again as she tries to grab her arm, but Kirsten is too quick and deflects her friend’s attempts of protection.  
Chelsea and few others stop her just before she is about to see him. “Kirsten you need to calm down.” she hears Maggie’s voice from behind her. “You can’t go in there without knowing what happened.”  
“I know what happened! He died! Now let me see him!” She is almost on the edge right now. Holding all of this inside was too much and she feels like every emotion she repressed in her life has accumulated into a huge bomb and this is a spark that will make it explode.  
“Kirsten, calm down. Cameron experienced brain damage during stitch. We don’t know what it did to him. He might be violent or might have forgotten some things. In fact, he might have no memories at all.” she pauses. “The Cameron you know might no longer be Cameron that lays on that bed.” she says as she points to his room.  
So this is her poisoned apple? Amnesia? Or possibly something worse? After all this time when she fought with herself and her feelings? No. She refuses to believe it.  Brain damage or not he won’t hurt her.  
“Let me see him. Please. he won’t hurt me if that’s what you’re worried about.”  
“I told you. He might not act like he normally. It doesn’t matter what you think about him. His brain is damaged and we don’t know to what degree. He  _will_ be different.” Last sentence was spoken with harsh mother-like tone. “And I’m not here to risk your safety like he did his.”  
“It’s Cameron. He won’t hurt me, I promise.” Kirsten pleaded again. She and Maggie stared at each other for a long, tense moment.  
“Fine. You’ve got 5 minutes. No more no less. And get out of there as soon as something weird happens.”  
She sighs, Maggie might be strict, but she is not blind and knows that if she won’t let it go, Kirsten would start an even bigger fight.   
“Got it.” she says as she slowly opens the door.

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you think? Will Kirsten tell him? Will he wake up? Did you like this fic and would like to find out more? Tell me! :D


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